🔑My favorite "ah ha" moment
Notes from the road with Michele
Self-leadership is key to successful relationships
In my leadership training workshops, there are a few consistent ah-ha moments and one is a clear favorite of mine so I wanted to share it with you.
You’ve surely heard the expression that a relationship is a two-way street. In the workplace, when things are moving fast and pressure and demand are nipping at our heels, this concept can be a hard thing to remember. If you’re a leader of a team where the success or the failure to reach a goal is ultimately your responsibility, it can be even harder to take a step back and examine yourself. After all, there’s barely any time to get your own work done when you’re also managing the workflow of individuals. Conversations with our teammates are often limited to tasks and timelines.
I asked the participants to think about all the members of their team and imagine that they each came to them to hand in their resignation. “Who would you fight for on your team?” They can all answer that quickly.
Then I ask about those they wouldn’t fight for.
I acknowledge that sometimes it can be for the best when someone leaves a team, but here’s where we get to the meat of it: I ask them to think of those they wouldn’t fight for, and then ask one question that is followed by a long heavy silence… “What are you doing to contribute to that dynamic?”
“Ah ha!”
Whether it’s due to a power dynamic, or personality traits managers and leaders often overlook their contribution to a less-than-desirable relationship with a direct report. It’s easy to label someone difficult, stubborn, or even, “not cut out for more.” The silence is usually followed by some reflection on the fact that there is some fixed way of thinking about the other person that gets in the way of developing a better working relationship.
The power of expectations matters
Did you know that if you told a group of researchers that one group of rats was the smart group and the other group was the dumb group the smart group would out-perform the dumb group hands down? This was proven by the work of Dr. Rosenthal in 1968. Clearly, the rats didn’t know they had been labeled. The only difference in performance was due to the way the rats were treated by the researchers. And if that happens to rats, you can imagine the implications on humans. In case you were wondering, yes, this research was later conducted on randomized groups of students whose teachers had been told one group was high-performing and the other group was not as capable. The results were the same. It always makes me sad to think about that group of students who were labeled less than capable.
What beliefs are you holding that clearly aren’t serving you?
So, if you’re a manager, a parent, or a friend think about how you’re labeling those around you, how you might be contributing to the dynamic of that relationship, and how you might even be impacting that person’s potential. Then, of course, turn the model on yourself. What beliefs are you holding about your own capabilities that clearly aren’t serving you?
A leader’s expectations have a direct impact on the performance of those they lead. So examine your expectations of those you lead personally and professionally and of course, don’t forget you’re also leading yourself.
Yours,
Michele
